Wrestling with Downsizing: Do I Stay or Do I Go?
Part of Consider the Upside of Downsizing
Wrestling with Downsizing: Do I Stay or Do I Go?
Homeowners consider everything from maintenance concerns to proximity to health care when considering a move
June 25, 2025
When my family moved from our small starter home to a larger home in 1996, we were the youngest couple on the block. We bought our "forever" home, nearly triple the square feet of the first home, with five bedrooms, three full baths and a gorgeous, wooded lot with a lake view.
The Bucys' house in Clearwater, Florida | Credit: Courtesy Amy McVay Abbott
Today, we are the oldest couple on the street. Our nest is too big, too empty, and requires too much maintenance. But the view remains beautiful: the canopy of old trees, the sunset parade of deer to the lake, and my lilac bushes and knock-out roses. We are at a crossroads and not sure about our next steps. We aren't the only ones, either.
The U.S. Census Bureau tracks the migration patterns of older adults, and more than 3 million adults moved during the previous year, or about 6.2% of the U.S. population. A majority of those moves were within the same county.
The National Council on Aging noted that 85% of U.S. adults aged 50 to 80 want to stay in their homes as they age. However, 44% percent of these individuals will need accessibility modifications to their homes to successfully "age in place."
Health Concerns Impact Relocation
Next Avenue spoke with three families and Realtor Leslie Lawson about the "stay or go" question.
Susan and Ken Bonhotal could hardly wait to move to North Carolina. In 2018, Susan, then 60, and Ken, 63, built their dream home near Lake Lure, about an hour from Asheville.
Susan, originally from New Jersey, and Ken Bonhotal, from Ohio, met and married in Nashville, Tennessee. Ken's job moved them to southwestern Indiana, where they purchased a 4,000-square-foot home and raised their three children in Newburgh, a suburb near the Ohio River.
Of their North Carolina dream home, Susan says, "The area reminded me of Lake George in the Adirondacks in New York state, where I went as a child, all mom-and-pop stuff, no national chains. We worked with a Realtor and found land in a gated community with 27 miles of roads, two lakes and beautiful properties." While the house was finished, the Bonhotals lived in their camper, which they were used to camping in while in North Carolina.
The Bonhotals were unconcerned that all health care was an hour away. Then, Ken fell off a ladder and broke his leg during their first year. Susan was referred for optic edema to Wake Forest, hours away. A broken shoulder required surgery, and now Susan is in physical therapy several times a week. Unable to drive, her husband must make the trip, one hour each way.
The couple will be relocating instead to New York state in 2026, two hours from two of their three children (the third lives with his wife in Oregon).
Immerse Yourself
Leslie Lawson, a Realtor licensed in California and Nevada, says about half her customers are over 50. In her area, many people are looking for land with enough room to park a camper, as the Bonhotals did.
Lawson cautioned that those who move a distance should visit the area, like the Bonhotals. "Not all research can be done online. Spend time in your future community. Immerse yourself in the culture, the environment and the people to see if you can do well there."
"Not all research can be done online. Spend time in your future community."
Unfortunately, the Bonhotals fell into a common trap: many of us do not consider our future health if we are healthy. Lawson suggests making a plan that considers what your home will need to be in five or 10 years.
Unlike the Bonhotals, Ann Price is staying put. She fell in love when she first saw the 1907 Victorian-style home in the Riverside Drive local historic district in South Bend, Indiana.
Ann Price's house in in South Bend, Indiana | Credit: Courtesy Amy McVay Abbott
A screened-in porch runs the width of her home, a home with original woodwork and double-hung windows with cotton cords.
"I loved the home right away and will not leave until I'm carried out in a pine box," says Price, now in her mid-60s. She chairs the English department at Indiana Vocational Technical College in South Bend.
'Why Would I Leave?'
"We moved around a lot when I was growing up," she says. "I always felt like the outsider and used to have nightmares about running through various neighborhoods." She vowed her daughters would live in one house.
Today, both daughters live on opposite coasts in Portland, Oregon, and Philadelphia, Pennsylvania; Price says, "This is the home I always dreamed of living in. Why would I leave? I love this house."
A salvaged light fixture in Price's home | Credit: Courtesy Amy McVay Abbott
The family reunites for Christmas every year, including Price's ex-husband, with whom she enjoys a good relationship. "He even has his room here," she adds. "It's an ideal Christmas house."
"My house has memories, but also has me all over it."
Price explains that every room has distinctive touches. She enjoys antiquing and loves finding treasures like salvaged light fixtures at the Habitat for Humanity store. "My house has memories, but also has me all over it." One of Price's personal touches includes a global map to mark where her international students hail.
She cites the practical reasons for not moving: "It's expensive to move things. Every single story has a lot of stuff." Price shares her home with two cats, Tuni and Zuzu.
Ready to Move
Mollie and Theron Bucy, in their 80s, have been married for more than four decades. They moved to Baltimore for a decade to care for Mollie's aging parents. After her parents' deaths, the Bucys returned to Florida and purchased a home on a quiet tree-lined street in Clearwater.
Theron notes the home's great location between Tampa Bay and the gulf. Fifty-foot fishtail palm trees give their property a sense of privacy. However, the couple is moving to a senior independent living tower in Dunedin later this year.
Why leave their home, which is exactly how they want it?
The Bucy's traditional dining room | Credit: Courtesy Amy McVay Abbott
Mollie explains that their years living with and caring for her aging parents were challenging. "We cared for my parents, and it almost broke us, 10 years of absolute hell." Recently, Theron's daughter from his first marriage began caring for her mother, Theron's first wife.
Mollie also mentioned that Theron's daughter and her husband have purchased an RV and wish to travel. Mollie says they don't want to burden Theron's daughter more.
"It's going to be hard to leave, but in my mind and emotionally, I have already left."
Both are excited about the new place, a 1,170-square-foot condominium that will accept their two miniature schnauzers, Sparky and Sophie.
Theron says, "The new place is in a good location, close to everything: the beach, doctors and the hospital."
"It's going to be hard to leave, but in my mind and emotionally, I have already left," Mollie says. "Yesterday, the garbage disposal broke. I won't have to worry about that anymore."
Different Reasons to Transition
Lawson helps people like Price and the Bonhotals and Bucy, and has seen a number of reasons her clients want to move.
"A move can be necessary because of cost, family reasons or health," she says. "Many move in with family or to a retirement community of freestanding homes." She says condominiums attached to another domicile is not popular in her region, but single-family homes with "in-law suites" are highly desired. Many freestanding condominiums are two-story and do not appeal to older buyers. Most single-family homes do not have HOA agreements.
Lawson shared her thoughts for anyone deciding to stay or go.
Make a list of your housing needs and determine your priorities. What is the goal of your home? Do you want to travel and live there part-time? Understanding exactly your needs helps with any emotional toll the choice can make.
Sometimes, people feel that a smaller community will meet their needs, and then after moving, their needs change. Consider what your situation will be like in five or 10 years.
What level of maintenance will your existing home need if you stay there?
Location is especially important, whether you are a buyer or a seller. Painting or new carpeting is easy, but a poor location cannot be quickly changed. And when considering location, consider your entire neighborhood.
Have a budget before talking to a real estate agent, and get pre-approved if you need a lender. Don't assume your children will help you move. Unpaid help can cancel or damage items. Don't cheap out on moving your important items.
If you move far away, select a relocation expert with years in the industry.
My husband and I are staying in our home despite its stairs and lack of a step-in shower. Today, we're still comfortable in our larger space, with no mortgage, an older home, and an eye toward a smaller, new condo some day.
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Amy McVay Abbott is a retired healthcare executive whose work has appeared in USA Today, Business Insider, AARP publications, and Huff Post Arts and Culture. She is currently developing a memoir-in-essay about the intersection between history and Baby Boomer culture. Visit her free site “Late Boomer: Born After 1956” on Substack. Read More